Resolving Conflict

Having the ability to resolve conflict is one of the best skills to have in this day and age. No matter what business you are in, you will have conflict. This comes because of various styles of communication, individual backgrounds, differing opinions, not having unity in goal setting, personality differences, etc. Conflict comes not necessarily because one way is the right way and all else is wrong, although some actually believe their way is the only way to do something.

As a manager, or business owner, you need to learn how to resolve conflicts, not just in business negotiations, but within your own team. There are some basic principles you should understand and practice.

First, deal with conflicts early, don't let them fester because that always complicates issues. I've worked with passive-agressive people in the past, and it does not resolve things to simply ignore them, avoid them, or pretend to agree but sabotage things behind the scenes. If you have passive-agressive tendencies, in order for you to truly be successful you need to learn how to confront issues head on.

Second, decide what is really worth a fight. You may end up deciding that something is simply a bother but not worth a confrontation.

When facing a problem, you should keep things focused. This is especially important in relationships. You don't want to bring up past issues and use words like "always" or "never". It just expounds the problem and doesn't resolve the issue at hand.

Stephen Covey teaches a great principle in his "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" -- "seek first to understand, then to be understood". If you make sure you listen to the other party's side of the issue, and they know you completely understand their position, it is much easier to deal with things directly and resolve the issue. If your "opponent" does not feel understood, they will be fighting to make you see their point of view, rather than to come to agreement.

When discussing problems, make sure you are calm, and not attacking the other party involved. You want to confront the issue, not attack an individual. Keep your voice calm and wear soothing colors. Do not place yourself between the person and an exit because the fight or flight response may kick in and you won't get rational negotiation. Make sure the environment is comfortable so you're not distracted by outside influences such as being too hot, cold, or outside noise. Get a facilitator involved if necessary to keep things on track and make things feel more neutral. There are many things you can do to help in conflict resolution but it does take some effort when starting out. Keep your own emotions detached as much as possible and focus, focus, focus on the issue at hand -- because emotions can become agressive and generally do not aid resolving conflicts.

If you want to be a great manager, have great relationships and be an asset rather than a liability to any company, you will learn how to effectively resolve conflicts. This skill can be learned, you just need to make an active effort to follow basic principles. I highly value anyone who can resolve conflict effectively and see this as a valuable asset for any team member.